


Soldiers are Like Mushrooms

by imbirb



Category: Warhammer 40.000
Genre: Don't ask me why, Gen, I don't know, Or at least I thought it was funny, Venereal sounded cool. I know what it means but it just popped into my head and it was funny, Will I make this a thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:48:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22916500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imbirb/pseuds/imbirb
Summary: It's just a short monologue from the perspective of a crack security trooper
Kudos: 1





	Soldiers are Like Mushrooms

**Author's Note:**

> I more or less wrote this around that one quote from the All Guardsmen Party. It's a great podcast. Great tone, great humor, alright action, an all around laugh that you can listen to on youtube in either professional and enjoyable narration or just that one hilarious autoreader. 
> 
> Darn I googled it and apparently it's a much longer running joke. It's still a great podcast though. You can listen to it while doing menial and non-mental labor intensive tasks, like video-gaming or english homework.

This. This is the sort of grinding, horrible, meaningless bullshit that drives me up the wall. Our commander, some rich, privileged high-blood officer in the ranks of the military elite, who has probably never seen action in his entire life, drivelling on and on about honor, duty, sacrifice. What an honor it is, to be a shock trooper in the darkest, grimiest, scum-ridden slums of our fair nation.

It's hard to see their expressions underneath the same suits of matte black armor and grey fabric, the monochrome gas masks and body armor punctuated only by opaque red eyeholes, but I imagine that underneath it all, they're all still wearing the same expression of incredulity and mounting hostility. 

With any luck, he'll be the first one into the fray and he'll catch a bullet through his stupid fucking beret. 

Anyways, through it all, I managed to glean some tactical information. Not much of course, that's the way it goes with the chain of command. The grunts only need to know as much as their leaders let them.

I knew a guy once, he had a saying: "Soldiers are like mushrooms. They do their best when kept in the dark and fed horseshit." 

Great guy. He got flogged by an officer for sabotaging morale.

It seems like we'll be going up against White Fang insurgents. A dangerous group of radicals dedicated to pushing for actual wage labor for the Faunus workforce that needs to be quelled. 

It's not like it matters who they are at the end of the day. You don't get this far in life without being ready and willing to kill whoever stands in your way, anyone and everyone. Hopefully, including our CO by the end of the day. Even if he stays away from the front, we can always frag him and pretend it was a civvy that slipped through.

I inhale a breath of that sweet, sweet, filtered stimulant laced air, and pump my armored fist with the rest of my black and red brethren. 

"FOR THE EMPIRE OF MANKIND!"

"FOR THE EMPIRE!" Bellowed in unison the Two-hundred and Fifty-Eight Shock Troopers of the Venereal 581st Urban Shock Regiment.

**Author's Note:**

> It's not very long but I wrote this on my phone in the middle of the night because I was bored and didn't want to go to sleep


End file.
